Clinical support
How to use circles of control in therapy
A therapist's step-by-step guide to facilitating the circles of control exercise, with prompts, adaptations, and modality tie-ins.
By Dr. Juli Fraga, Psy.D • Clinically reviewed by Caitlin Pugh, LCSW
Anxiety is a common reason that many clients seek therapy. They may be stuck in cycles of rumination and experience thoughts such as: What if I make a mistake at work? What if I say the wrong thing? or What if I’m always single?
Whether your client is worried about work, relationships, current affairs, or something else, there’s a good chance they’re dwelling on things they can’t control, let alone change.
No matter what kind of therapy you practice, there’s an ancient tool rooted in philosophy that can help your clients feel better: the circle of control. Read on to learn more about the circle of control and how to incorporate it with your psychotherapy clients.
What to know
1
Inspired by the Stoic philosophers, the circles of control exercise can help reduce worry and anxiety.
2
The circle includes three zones: the circle of control, the circle of influence, and the circle of concern.
3
You can use this exercise with kids, teens, adults, and couples. Help your client identify their worries and place them in the appropriate circle.
What are the circles of control, influence, and concern?
Stoic philosophers Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius were all influenced by the circle of control. Epictetus believed that “some things are within our power, while others are not.” All of these philosophers believed that focusing on what we can control is the path to more peaceful living.
In the late 1980s, leadership expert and author Stephen Covey popularized the circle of control in his bestselling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey split the circle of control into three smaller circles: the circle of control, the circle of influence, and the circle of concern. Here are some circle of control examples.
Circle of control
This includes things clients can control, such as their thoughts, feelings, and actions. For example, we can’t control what other people think of us, but we can control how we treat other people.
Circle of influence
This includes the client’s sense of personal agency and ability to influence those around them. It includes how hard they work, how they express care for others, and the efforts they put towards their goals, such as prepping for a job interview or training for a marathon.
Unrealistic optimism can cause people to overestimate their influence, while symptoms of depression and low self-confidence can cause one to sell themselves short. External circumstances can influence the outcomes of someone’s experiences and interactions, but this doesn’t erase the effort one invests in the process.
Circle of concern
This includes events, circumstances, interactions, and experiences that clients can not control. For example, it’s impossible to control who our parents are, what other people think of us, the stock market, or world events. Letting go of anything in this circle can help reduce rumination and lead to a more fulfilling life.
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Why the circles of control exercise works well in therapy
Using this exercise in therapy can help clients feel more empowered. The circles of control can help reduce anxiety by teaching them how to change their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
This exercise is easy to implement and works well with different therapy modalities, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, interpersonal process therapy, and acceptance and commitment therapy.
The circles of control exercise can also be used with children, teens, and adults. It’s a useful tool that clients can practice outside of their sessions and review with their therapists.
How to facilitate the circles of control exercise in a therapy session: Step-by-Step
Here’s a guide to using the circles of control exercise with your clients.
Step 1: Set up the exercise and explain the purpose.
Introduce the exercise and explain how it can help clients reduce worry, rumination, and anxiety.
Step 2: Draw and present the three circles.
Draw one large circle with two smaller circles inside, or in other words, three concentric circles. Label the smallest one “things I can control,” the middle circle “things I can influence,” and the largest exterior circle “things that are outside of my control.”
Step 3: Have the client brainstorm worries before sorting.
Invite your client to brainstorm their worries and write them down. Reassure them that there are no “right” or “wrong” worries.
Step 4: Sort each worry into the appropriate circle.
Ask your client to share each worry with you and help them place it in the appropriate circle. For example, a worry such as “What if my boss thinks I’m incompetent” would fall within the “circle of concern.”
Step 5: Pause on items the client places incorrectly.
With support, explain why any worries were placed in the wrong circle. Give additional examples if it’s helpful.
Step 6: Identify concrete actions for inner circle items.
Help your client identify action steps. For example, your client may identify behaviors they can control, such as how they express frustration or handle a bad mood.
Step 7: Validate feelings about outer circle items.
Experiences and reactions outside of the client’s control may bring up feelings of sadness and frustration; validating their feelings can help them accept what can’t be changed.
Step 8: Discuss realistic actions for influence circle items.
This may include steps your client will take to achieve a goal or live according to their values.
Step 9: Close by asking the client what they noticed.
Ask your client for feedback and take a moment to process what they share.
Sample prompts and questions to use during this exercise
Here are some prompts you can use with your clients.
- Opening prompt: “We’re going to do an exercise together that will help you identify some of the worries that you’re experiencing today. It’s called the circles of control.”
- Prompt for confronting desire vs. control: “Are you experiencing a feeling or a thought?” “Is this something that you can control or change?”
- Prompt for challenging catastrophizing: “What evidence do you have that your worry will come true?” “Is there any alternative explanation?”
- Closing reflection prompt: “What was it like to do this exercise together today?” “What felt challenging?” “What questions do you have?”
Adapting the circles of control for different client populations
This exercise can be adapted with different client populations. Here are some examples.
- Children: With kids, it can be helpful to simplify this exercise. Instead, use two circles: Things within the child’s control and things outside of the child’s control. Provide some simple examples of things a child can’t control, such as the weather or time of day, as a way to guide them. With younger kids, you may even turn the exercise into a game or incorporate play therapy.
- Teenagers: It can be helpful to brainstorm together, as teenagers appreciate knowing that their opinions and preferences matter.
- Adults with generalized anxiety: Similar to working with kids, you can simplify the exercise to focus on things within your client’s control and things outside of their control. Labeling each worry can give your client a sense of relief.
- Trauma survivors: Combine the circles of control with another trauma-focused therapy. Use this exercise with discretion. Clients in the deep throes of trauma may feel triggered talking about things outside of their control or influence.
- Couples: Tailor the circles of control exercise to the couple’s therapy goals, and use this as your guidepost.
- Clients with OCD: Combine the circles of control with another OCD therapy technique, such as exposure and response prevention or cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Integrating the exercise into broader treatment modalities
While the circles of control exercise isn’t a therapeutic approach, it can be combined with many different treatment modalities.
- CBT: You can combine the circles of control exercise with CBT techniques. For example, identifying unhelpful thoughts, then challenging and reframing them works well when addressing worries and stressors within the circle of concern.
- ACT: ACT techniques, such as naming values, can be effective for identifying things within the circle of influence. Identifying committed actions can help clients move towards next steps as they identify things they can and can’t control.
- DBT: For things outside of the client’s control, radical acceptance, a DBT technique, can help them move from resistance to more mindful acceptance.
- Solution-focused brief therapy: Combining the circles of control with solution-focused brief therapy can provide a concrete map that helps your client identify their goals and steps they can take to meet them.
Common challenges when using circles of control in therapy (and how to handle them)
You may run into challenges when using the exercise. Here are ways to address them.
- Feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated: Observe your client’s non-verbal behavior. If they seem overwhelmed or dysregulated, introduce a breathing or grounding exercise to help them feel calmer.
- Skepticism: Clients may question whether the exercise will be helpful. Invite them to share any concerns, and address their questions.
- Questioning what can’t be changed: Since it’s challenging to accept painful experiences and interactions with others, clients may question why someone or something is outside of their control. Validate their feelings and concerns.
Using circles of control as an ongoing therapeutic tool
The circles of control doesn’t need to be a one-off exercise. Keep a copy in the client's journal or therapy folder so it can be pulled out whenever a new stressor appears, and re-sort items as circumstances shift. Use it as a quick check-in when someone feels overwhelmed, or as between-session homework. Comparing an early version with a later one also makes progress visible, showing how the client's sense of agency has widened over the course of treatment.
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This content is for general informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical, legal, financial, or professional advice. All decisions should be made at the discretion of the individual or organization, in consultation with qualified clinical, legal, or other appropriate professionals.
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